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If you want to really read these blogs, start from the bottom. The top is the most recent, but the bottom is where you'll get the most depth and insight to how I write.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ask her who I am to her, and she yelled God

Yeah I know, writing two days in a row hardly happens, but I kinda got the urge.
Last nights mood didn't really end, it just kind of went into a standby / observatory mode where it kind of took last night's theories, and compared them to with how my day went, to see if they were headed in the right direction. I kinda think that the only way that I'll ever be successful is if I either know somebody somewhere, or I just take full advantage of the little bit of outgoing trait that I may have, and do something with it. I don't want my childhood to be over yet, I haven't had enough fun. This summer better be fucking legit.

Yesterday, I was on to something. I don't know what it was, but a song came on that throws me into a turbine of thought, and I can't get out, and I was just thinking and thinking and realizing things and thinking and it felt like I was getting closer to something, something important, but I never got there. The song ended, the streak was lost, but I liked it. I'm kind of excited for the day where I get to that imaginary thought-point, where I make some sort of revelation, or some sort of mental breakthrough. It's on again.

I wish it was always night time. I'm a different person at night. It's not that I'm depressed at night, it's not that I'm more happy at night, it's just that my emotions seem to be exaggerated, and more easily triggered. If something happens that would make somebody go into deep thought, it REALLY makes me go into deep thought. I think that the atheistic belief, the one that really establishes no moral order is what was throwing me into a depression before. Because once I realized that there was no god, and that the story-book life everyone is supposedly living wasn't true, it's just depressing shit.

No offense to people who base their morals and life off of god, and devote it to god, but you're wasting you damn time. Why do you have to be good because that bible thing says so, why can't you just be a good person because you WANT to be a good person? It just doesn't make any sense. Some of the smartest people I know are fooled by that shit, and it makes me sick.

Mood over. or on standby, or whatever.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Imma fuck the world, but this is just foreplay

Shit's changing. I can't tell whether its for the good or not, but its changing.
It feels like I'm getting closer to knowing how the rest of my life is going to turn out. I'm soo soo curious. I have a feeling this summer is going to be epic. I have a feeling this is the summer that makes me, and breaks me. I'm ready for it though. The bigger your chances, the bigger the rewards/consequences.
I can't lie, I'd kill to go back to high school, but I'm glad that I'm at this point in my life where I kinda know how stuff's gonna turn out.

I'm also starting to realize that my deep thoughts and my opinions on things really don't matter anymore, and that I need to just shut the fuck up and get in line like the rest of the world. The chance of my 'voice' being heard is so minimal, that I kind of just want to say fuck it and throw my life into making it heard.

Ok so in the past 4 seconds I just made my mind up that I either want to be super rich when I'm older, but alone with no real family or love connections, or just middle-class with a real family. Yeah it's an odd set of choices, but its what I want.

I wanna move.

I'm already getting sick of computers, ohhh no.
not cool.

The brain works in the craziest way. I definitely notice patterns in my memory.
Certain songs remind me of certain people, even if nothing has happened that should cause it to. Sometimes even just simple beats or melodies do it too, I really hope I can capture this function one day and make something of it.

Mood done, bye

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Quote Un-Quote

If you have a conscience, shed it, for the world is run by those without remorse or regret. Success is brought either by ignoring the dishonest, or always being ignored.

If you don't get it, well, basically it means that you shouldn't feel bad for stuff. People make mistakes, and plus, the people who run the world got there were by dishonest ways. The second part says that the only way to become successful is to be either dishonest, and actions ignored, or to be 100% pure, while ignoring EVERY dishonesty you encounter, thus, because no man or woman can accomplish anything while ignoring every single little thing around them every day, every successful person is dishonest.