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If you want to really read these blogs, start from the bottom. The top is the most recent, but the bottom is where you'll get the most depth and insight to how I write.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ask her who I am to her, and she yelled God

Yeah I know, writing two days in a row hardly happens, but I kinda got the urge.
Last nights mood didn't really end, it just kind of went into a standby / observatory mode where it kind of took last night's theories, and compared them to with how my day went, to see if they were headed in the right direction. I kinda think that the only way that I'll ever be successful is if I either know somebody somewhere, or I just take full advantage of the little bit of outgoing trait that I may have, and do something with it. I don't want my childhood to be over yet, I haven't had enough fun. This summer better be fucking legit.

Yesterday, I was on to something. I don't know what it was, but a song came on that throws me into a turbine of thought, and I can't get out, and I was just thinking and thinking and realizing things and thinking and it felt like I was getting closer to something, something important, but I never got there. The song ended, the streak was lost, but I liked it. I'm kind of excited for the day where I get to that imaginary thought-point, where I make some sort of revelation, or some sort of mental breakthrough. It's on again.

I wish it was always night time. I'm a different person at night. It's not that I'm depressed at night, it's not that I'm more happy at night, it's just that my emotions seem to be exaggerated, and more easily triggered. If something happens that would make somebody go into deep thought, it REALLY makes me go into deep thought. I think that the atheistic belief, the one that really establishes no moral order is what was throwing me into a depression before. Because once I realized that there was no god, and that the story-book life everyone is supposedly living wasn't true, it's just depressing shit.

No offense to people who base their morals and life off of god, and devote it to god, but you're wasting you damn time. Why do you have to be good because that bible thing says so, why can't you just be a good person because you WANT to be a good person? It just doesn't make any sense. Some of the smartest people I know are fooled by that shit, and it makes me sick.

Mood over. or on standby, or whatever.

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