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If you want to really read these blogs, start from the bottom. The top is the most recent, but the bottom is where you'll get the most depth and insight to how I write.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's been too long

So I'll try writing again i guess.
This music is attacking me and I love it.
So there's 3 certain people I know right now that are fucking up. They can do soo much but are stuck on the wrong things.

I feel just as stuck but I know what I got to do for once. Nobody will recognize your intelligence or your drive unless you make them realize it. Show that you're the best at what you're doing. Give up if you want, I sure as hell want to, but don't go out on nothing. Once you hit rock bottom, you'll come away from it, and you'll realize that rock bottom is amazing because it lets you see whats ahead. Once you get the tiniest taste of a comeback, it's a tough taste to get rid of. You may lose everything again and again but you have that taste in your mouth and you're not going to lose it. I'm not going to lose it. I don't care who you are or what you do but if you get in my way it's not going to end well. I'm getting what I came here for. I'm getting mine. I know I don't have the best advice to give, because I don't do anything right either, but I can tell you how I scraped up the last bit of confidence and drive I had and turned it into something. I may need a million, but I turned that 10 cents to 20, and now I can't stop. Now I see that relationships get so damn blinding, that they're really just pulling you away from what you need to do. Everything from a friendship to something you're really starting to get a tick for, it's distracting. You can either stagnate in that part of your life and enjoy it and enjoy their company and get to know them, or you can move on and fulfill your life before you step into somebody elses life.
Some people aren't ready for you. Get to that obstacle, get on it, get over it. I seriously am missing the old mindset I had. I don't care whether or not it was bad for me or unhealthy to think the way I thought, but it was so deep how could you not crave that. I'm just as deep now but I have more things figured out, and it's less intriguing now, it's just more mundane.

skipping to middle of this mix im in------

I can't vent like I used to, it's just so whine-y. I can't wait for people to catch up to me now, I'm sprinting now, and they're trying to learn how to jog. I need to meet more people who're where I'm at and just go with it. There are a few people I'm trying to bring along, catch them up to speed, make them realize where they're at, but they wont. Listen to me, please, I know it sucks and its scary but trust me and just listen.

I'm glad I stopped coding and cracking for a bit, it was getting dangerous.
I need a job -- again.

I don't know how to finish this off except. Oh I know. Some dedication-ish type things.

:Hey you, dealing with all that stress and you don't know what's stressing you out, and nobody gets what is going on in your head or what you're saying? - yet you swear they understand you? They dont.

:Stop living life in a safety blanket

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